The Fourth of July is quickly eclipsing Halloween in its ability to bring the celebrity famewhores out to the forefront, only this time under the guise of patriotic celebration.
Look, I’m no stick in the mud. I love a bikini, beer and a paper American flag with the best of them. I just don’t flash myself all over Twitter with said three things – and yes, in case you’re wondering – I feel superior over that fact. Because as I awoke to tweet after tweet of the Kardashians and other reality stars posting their hot, malnourished bodies all over the internet I couldn’t help but remember the Mean Girls quote, “In the regular world, Halloween is when children dress up in costumes and beg for candy. In Girl World, Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.”
Apparently the rule is that posting a pic of yourself posing provocatively in a hot bikini can be slutty but stick an American flag nearby and it turns patriotic. Am I jealous? Hells no! I just don’t understand why girls have to tweet pics of themselves in their bikinis. It’s attention seeking obviously, and it worked because here I am marveling over it. Kendall and Kylie Jenner want you to check out their pre-pubescent, 14-year-old boy bodies with envy. Kris Jenner let her kids post a pic of her with her melons hanging out because she was SO embarrassed about her body (being facetious, just in case you couldn’t tell). Heidi Klum wants you to remember that her nickname is still “The Body” even after four kids and a failed marriage. Her body really does look sick in that pic but my belly is flat when I lay down too Heidi. Miley Cyrus actually took a break from showing her belly and butt cheeks but God forbid she let others take attention away from her. You knew she had to do something, even though the pic is kinda cute. Britney Spears is the only one I’m not going to rip on. Britney Spears! She posted a cute pic of her boys and her fiance in Hawaii. It was tasteful and cute. Was it as fun to look at? Of course not, but I’m just making a point that not all celebs went the T & A route.
Oh, I know. You’re going to tell me bikinis aren’t slutty and you’re going to b-tch that if I had a body like that then I would do it too. I could tell you I wouldn’t but you wouldn’t believe me because ALL women want to be skinny and flash the world their jugs, right?
So what do you think? Check out the pics below. Just another day for your average famewhore or are they trying to create fireworks without being judged?